Springing Out

Well, as usual, I could not be confined to home this weekend, and got out at the first opportunity. Friday I did some shopping in the city with my mother and came away with some nice loot from the experience (I am sure at least some of that will make a later appearance in the pictures.) Afterwards, I met up with The Company and we had dinner at a midtown Chinese restaurant (mmm, love the lemon chicken!), and then went to see Street Kings. It wasn't a great movie, to be honest, although I did come away with a favorite quote from there: "We're walking, talking exigent circumstances." The movie showed an LA police department corruption so rampant that cops and criminals and like were dropping like flies just to protect the captain's cookie jar, an improbable closet filled with money and hidden inside the wall of his own home. The cops in his department were so out of control that they slaughtered whoever stood on their way, be that a gang of sex slave owners or fellow cops who ratted out what was happening, with complete disregard to any procedures or morality. And while I'm sure there are plenty of corrupt cops out there, and cops who are willing to take certain liberties with the Fourth Amendment, such as stretching the meaning of "in plain view" to the boundaries of credibility, (hey, that's what the evidence suppression hearings are for), the extent to which that department seemed to resemble the very gangs it was supposed to be fighting was just unbelievable and absurd. And of course the storyline was predictable - there was only one person who could have been responsible for the whole mess of cop-killing and frame ups, and that was the corrupt captain, who wanted to become the Chief. It had some pretty good scenes, but seriously, Hollywood needs a reality check. Come on. How can you expect anyone to be entertained by something so absurd that no reasonable person can really suspend disbelief when he is supposed to?

Part of the day was spent hanging out with my family outside. My brother brought over my younger nephew who is now nearly a year old, so it was time for some family picture taking. My father suddenly turned so grandfatherly! It was really cute. I never thought of him as being into this whole playing with little kids thing, even with my older nephew, much less the other kids in the family. Oh, he played with them, but not in the sentimental cute kind of way. But now I could really see a grandfather in him. Hmm, I wonder what he'll be like when I have kids. : ) But for now, I'm completely satisfied with being an aunt, and, um, coming out for the pictures. :D



A portion of the next day was spent preparing for an evening outing with my friends. We were going to see "Candide" at the New York City Opera. I had already seen it a couple years back with Michael, and it was so good that I was happy to have another opportunity to see the show. It's been a long time since I really felt like dressing up, but because it was an evening event, I finally found an occasion formal enough to fluff up some feathers. :)





(And if you think that I am showing off in those pictures, yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Yes, all is vanity, but it sure feels good while it lasts!)

The Company adamantly refused to go, so I wound up hanging out with Red Tulips and Steven of Culture for All fame, as well as another friend for whom I have yet to create a nickname, as well as two other cool individuals, whom I hope to get to know more in the future. No pictures of any of them, because they are all very modest people... or because I value my life and well-being. Take your pick. : )

In any case, the show was fantastic: the music as wonderful as I remembered, the songs were hilarious, Cunegonde had a great operatic voice, and the others were also very good. Oh, and hanging out with people made the whole thing even more fun, because we could exchange comments and share in what was happening. Sometimes it's not such a bad thing to share experiences with other people, as it turns out! The ending wasn't that great, but neither was what happened in the book on which the show was based, and besides the rest of the production more than made up for the anticlimactic finale. There was that little part where we almost got lost in the dungeons of the theater in search of a bathroom, but otherwise, the show went without a hitch. I still have the songs stuck in my head. All the tunes are so catchy, that I could watch the show over and over again without getting bored! I'm serious! But I really hate the idea of "cultivating your own little garden" philosophy. It's so against everything I stand for, and not very Jewish either. (Obviously - Voltaire was not a great lover of Jews, as is evident from his writings!)

I do not believe in the Panglossian philosophy either (that we all live in the best of all possible worlds, and that everything is always for the best). Obviously the world is filled with evil and suffering, and horrible accidents, and things go wrong all the time. But I don't like extremes, and I don't find any satisfaction in the idea of standing back and letting disasters unravel as they will. I think it's our responsibility to try to fix problems to the best of our abilities, before those problems "fix" us, and it doesn't mean trying to do grand overarching things. You can fight evil on your own level, in very local acts. I am not for revolutions or trying to "save the world" from itself. I am not idealist; I'm very pragmatic. I think that people who set out TRYING to change the world in a really big way, are not only doomed to failure, but probably mess more things up than they fix. However, I also think people are very capable of acting consciously and exerting their will to improve particular, small things, one tiny act at a time. That alone takes tremendous effort and doesn't always work, but it's possible. And seriously, if the forces of evil are strong enough, you're as likely to get slaughtering toiling in your own quiet little corner as being out there actually trying to fight it, if not more. There's more to life than endless toil and the head-in-the-sand approach to outside circumstances. Whether we like it or not, we're part of the world of the whole with all its successes and failures, good and evil, and as much as we are tempted to isolate ourselves from whatever is wrong with it, it's actually impossible. We're in the midst of it, and there are no such things as quite corners. Life is happening, and won't stop just because we want it to.

On that cheery note, I headed home, feeling happy and at peace after a week of broken sleep, and general physical and emotional agitation. I had the best night of sleep that I can recall in a while, even though I actually didn't sleep as much as I usually do on weekends. Now I feel rested, energetic, and ready to tackle the final stretch of my second year! : )

Enthused,
Irina

Temptation

The choice of becoming an ethical or unethical person starts with small things. Sometimes we make a choice and somehow wind up rolling down that path automatically. I try to think about my actions; I try to make my moral choices consciously and while aware of what I'm doing. I think that actions count for most who we are, but consciously, willfully made actions raise us above the level of automatons. So yeah, it's easier to be "automatically" a good person, perhaps, but I would rather make it harder for myself and think about what I'm doing and why I'm doing that. In reality, being "good" is not that easy at all, of course, so for me, it's often the struggle to make the "right" decisions despite the more tempting alternative, not just be aware of the "right" reasons for doing the "right" thing.

The last couple of days I went through a seemingly insignificant experience, which actually wound up being pretty important to me, in that it turned out to be a small but important triumph over myself. An acquaintance at school asked me to come to an event the day after the conversation, because my participation in that event might be helpful to him. I agreed... but early the next day, I realized that there was another event taking place at the same time that I would prefer to go to. I was hoping that he had forgotten about sending me the details of the event, so that I would have a valid excuse not to go, but he didn't, so I was stuck with making a choice. At first I thought that I could very quickly run up to the event and then come back down to where I really wanted to be, but realized that probably wouldn't work. And then I thought... that I don't really have to go to his event. I could always lie and say that I didn't check my e-mail this morning and didn't see the details and didn't stay up late enough to see it last night, and no one would even know. Except I would. I really was thinking of NOT going, when a voice inside me suddenly shouted: "Shame on you, Irina! What do you think you're doing? Where's your yiddishkeit and where the heck is your sense of common human decency? You made a promise, and the person is relying on you being there. If you didn't feel like going, you should have said that you can't make it. But now, someone is counting on your support, so you'd better show up, whether you like it or not. What a fine way to start out for a young lawyer - by breaking promises to your fellow students. What next? It's just like that horrible essay you read for your professional responsibility class, where this cynical old lawyer sarcastically writes that most unethical lawyers don't start out being unethical. In fact, they start out just like you are - but then they are tempted into padding their billable hours OUT OF CONVENIENCE, and go down slippery slope of lies, and cheating, coming up with justifications for their actions every time. Perhaps no one ever finds out, and perhaps they do - but they successfully lie themselves and thus become worse and worse over time. And that's where you'll wind up if you don't watch it! No, you CAN'T do that just once, out of convenience. Every action counts. And in the long run, this breaking of a promise will be your own indictment against you, and no number of ethical actions and kept promises in the future will ever erase this one spot on your resume! I can't believe I even have to tell you this! Come on! Snap out of it!"

After giving myself a severe internal tongue-lashing, I got back into shape, went to the appropriate meeting, and decided to stay there for as long as it was necessary. As it turned out, my presence turned out to be of no particular consequence to the person in question; HOWEVER, I was rewarded with an opportunity to get on the e-board of a prominent student organization,w which would certainly look nice on my resume, and if I choose to participate for real, will undoubtedly be an interesting experience. But to be honest, I was kind of scared there for a moment. I can't believe I was even having these thoughts. Not keeping a promise because it wasn't convenient for me. I can't believe that somewhere deep inside there's a part of me that is just as bad as some of those horrible unethical people, both inside the legal community and outside of it, that is willing to breach people's trust for the sake of petty personal benefits. I've always thought of myself as above all that, but when an appropriate opportunity came up, it turned out that even I, who always placed trustworthiness and reliability above all else, a matter of honor, could be tempted by ignoble motivations. Let this be a lesson for all of you, and especially for the young naive law students who think that there's no way they'll ever be tempted by anything. Perhaps not everyone has a price, but everyone can certainly be tempted by the offer.

Fortunately, I didn't fall for it. Not this time, at least.

Relieved,
Irina

Catching Some Zees

I just realized that Scraps had tagged me with a "sleep" meme a long time ago, and I totally forgot to do it!

Better late than never...

1. How much sleep do you get on an average night?
Usually 6-7, although it's more like 8 or 9 on the weekends and any day when I don't have to go to class. Recently, however, I've been getting less sleep than usually, more like 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
2. Is that enough sleep for you?
Not really, I feel tired all the time. At the same time, I am fairly active, so I guess I'm getting the bare minimum I need to function.
3. At what time do you normally go to sleep and wake up?
I am an owl so I usually go to sleep after midnight. I used to go to bed as late as 2-2:30, but more recently it's usually sometime around 12:30 - 1 am, just because I'm so drained and stressed out all the time, and need more rest. I get up at 8 twice a week, at 7 once a week, at 9 once a week, and anywhere between 10 and 11:30 the other three days.
4. Do you usually fall asleep right away or have trouble?
Really depends on how tired I am. I need to be just the right degree of tiredness to fall asleep right away. If I am not really tired, I'll wind up dreaming and fooling around for a while. If I am too wound up and exhausted, I will have even more trouble falling asleep. The other day, I got so overexcited that I couldn't fall asleep most of the night, tossing and turning. But I haven't been getting enough sleep since, so I've been tired and falling asleep pretty quickly the past few days.
5. What size bed do you have?
A single. It's actually slightly bigger than a single, because my bed is not actually a real bed. It's a huge armchair that folds out. However, I am so lazy that I haven't folded it back up in years. I hope I can get a king-sized bed all for myself (and the cat) one day, because I like having lots of space. Nevertheless, I've also been known to sleep in a sleeping bag, so go figure!
6. How many pillows do you use?
Two. I hate sleeping low. I used to sleep with only one pillow when I had down pillows, but since developing allergies I had to use the polyester ones which deflate quicker. After trying two, I really didn't want to go back to one!
7. In what position do you sleep?
Usually curled up in a fetal position on my right side, although I toss and turn a great deal at night, so I can usually be found asleep in just about any normal position.
8. Do you need it to be quiet or dark to sleep?
Darkness is very much preferred; I can fall asleep with some background noise if I'm really exhausted, but I have a great deal of trouble falling asleep if it's not dark.
9. Do you use earplugs or an eye mask?
Haven't tried eye masks (can't imagine them being helpful), but I've used ear plugs a couple of times while camping with big groups of people.
10. Have you ever used a sleeping aid long-term?
Not at all.
11. Do you use headgear, a night retainer, or a biteplate?
I used to have night braces as a kid, and had them for 6 months, but those days are long since over, fortunately!
12. What do you normally wear to bed?
Pajamas or night gowns.
13. Do you frequently fall asleep in your clothing?
Only when camping.
14. Do you prefer a heavy or light blanket?
Depends on the weather, of course. In the winter, I actually use two. When it's really hot, I sometimes, don't use any.
15. Do you prefer warm or cool PJs?
Really depends on the weather.
16. Do you wear socks to bed?
Yes, often even if it's absurdly warm.
17. What is your bedtime routine?
I usually hang out online and/or listen to music before going to bed. I usually take care of brushing teeth/taking showers before all that, so I just change into whatever I sleep in and go to the bathroom/brush my hair before going to bed. On weekends, this may vary a little, as I usually come back very late, and have more stuff to take care of.
18. Do you listen to music when you’re falling asleep?
Only on bus trips. I don't like falling to sleep to music, actually. I miss out on the music, and at the same time, don't get decent sleep. However, I had to have listen to classical music to fall asleep before I took the specialized high school exams (or other major standardized tests). Yes, I'm a nervous wreck. :)
19. Have you sucked your thumb in recent years?
No way, although I occasionally (very rarely nowadays) bite nails.
20. Do you still sleep with your childhood blankie/teddy?
Does my cat count? : )
21. Do you snore?
Nope.
22. Do you sleeptalk or sleepwalk?
I've been known to sleeptalk and do a little of semi-sleepwalking as a teenager, but ever since my grandmother passed away, I sleep by myself, so I have no idea whether I still do that.
23. Do you wake up to use the bathroom often?
Really depends.
24. What things inhabit your bed aside from a blanket and pillow?
I have colds quite often, so I usually have tissues. I also frequently study in bed, so I often forget writing utensils there as well.
25. What kind of alarm clock do you use?
A combination of my mother going off to work early in the morning, the cat asking to be let in and out of the room, my father waking me up, and my own biological clock.
26. Do you ever wake up before your alarm?
I actually often wake up a few minutes before my father comes to make me get up.
27. Do you frequently take naps?
Almost never, except when I'm REALLY exhausted, or have a huge headache, sick, or medicated/with cold.
28. Have you ever slept ‘under the stars’?
Only a few times, out camping, hopefully I'll do that more often now that I got into that!
29. Can you fall asleep on a bus, train, or airplane?
I've been known to doze off on buses and trains, but cannot really sleep on airplanes for some reason..
30. Have you ever fallen asleep and missed your stop?
Nope.
And last, but not least,
31. Over the course of a lifetime, the average person swallows six spiders in his/her sleep. How many do you think you're up to?
What??? This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. We don't really have spiders here, so maybe those spiders are yet to come. It's possible I've swallowed some roaches in the old apartment (they were ubiquitous), and perhaps some cat hair, because she sleeps with me, but I really doubt it. Unbelievable.

I tag whoever feels like doing this, since I have a feeling I missed the boat with this meme, and most people have done it already!

Sleep-deprived,
Irina